the jotter book of my life.

about this blog

eestherr.blogspot was opened to jot down the bits and pieces of my life, to accomodate my mindless musings and the daily notes which I wish to remember.

Add on to my memories, will you?

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Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed
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actually was really too tired to blog but just in case i may worry some of you,
thanks for all your well wishes. && i did well in my As.

it was 1000x better than how i expected it to be. ;D
A-history
B-economics
D-geography

-JUMPS & SCREAMS-
(:

when i walk out of the hall and i turned over the results slip, i stunned for 10secs, curses teacher for giving me wrong result slip for the "A" & "B" caught my eye, then again saw my full name, jumps & tears-
and for once, i'm proud of my full name: ESTHER KER SHI MAN. (:

thanks to all who have been supporting me all this while: family, classmates, 4cians, redcross friends, and all my dear friends! (:

& i created a miracle. (:

here's the lovely ones at dinner at fish&co before heading to siam reap at holland v for some beer & liquor. just love their company so so much!

okay, gonna tug in my bed.
camp's starting super early tmr.
& i'm feeling sick already even before i attend the camp. =/

things just arent fine.

Labels: disappointment, miracle, results

you will when you believe?

results are going to be out in another 14hours time!
pray hard for me that i gonna do well. i need to, or i'm screwed. =/

yes, i freaked out. it was such an awful feeling. breaking down every single day just isnt normal, aint it. but thanks to the sweet lovely ones who msg-ed me/sent me their well wishes. it just came at the right time.

anyway, please do not ask me anything regarding my results unless i tell you myself. thanks for being so understanding!

sidetrack a little, do cherish the people around you, for you dont know when's the last time you maybe seeing this person, talking to him/her or feeling their presence for the last time.

all the best to myself & all my friends out there.
let it be a happy day for me.
please please please.
let me get through it smoothly.

i feel lost, for no one's there tomorrow.

Labels: results, stressed

In short, unless I have anything to elaborate, here it goes:

16th- NFC
17th- tuition & zouk flea with Eileen
18th- first day of work & west district camp meeting
19th-work, LS meeting
20th- work, meetup with sharon & hui
21st- work, TF meeting
22nd- work, family dinner
23rd- flea market with denise, 4C dinner, supper with Douglas, airport
24th- tuition, home
25th- half day leave, qx’s place, dinner with wufeng
26th- RCYECCSD meeting
27th- movie “ps I love you” with Eileen
28th- tuition
29th- half day, west district camp contact session
1st- movie “two faces of my girlfriend” with yixuan & the girls
2nd- tuition & family dinner
3rd- dinner with qiuyu
4th- which is now! (:

**

work at molex is fun & enriching. Cos I’m in the finance department, pick up quite a number of microsoft excel skills, costing stuff and etc. definitely a good learning experience for me and what’s more, the people there treats me really well. (:

there’s like not a lot of free time during work to slack around cos life in the finance department is really really busy! But luckily, the environment there isn’t stressful. (:

**
23rd-

It’s a day that I’ve been waiting for! 4C GATHERING! :D
It was definitely a successful gathering!

25/44 people turned out. Mind you, it’s been 2years since we’ve graduated. Some of the classes that just graduated from sec school a year ago or just recently may not even have this figure. I’m just proud of my classmates. (:

Dinner at fish market, ps. Seeing the long tables of people catching up just gives a warm feeling. It was just like yesterday that we graduated from school. It was just like yesterday when we were all sleeping in ek’s lessons. It was just like yesterday when we all signed the petition for we didn’t want sissy chong to be our maths teacher. It was all just like yesterday. Caught up quite a lot with jinhua too! and he scared me out quite a lot with the As thing. =/ anyway, there’s this rumour of my idol spreading around but still, I strongly believe that my idol is innocent. (:

Thanks yaxin & jiamin for organizing this gathering! (:

Didn’t join them on the walk to paradiz centre for i met up with Douglas before heading to the airport to send cousin off. Anyway, it’s a nice meetup with d of course! And thanks for the ride to my cousin’s place. (:
I’ll miss my cousin’s voice for the next three months. =/

**

What ties us all together is this word, Fuhua. Be it with yixuan, Adrian, or even my buddy, this journey ended early. Though we did said before that we will be the pillars of support for each other when we each lead our individual units, I’m sorry that I got to take a step earlier. I rather I abandon you than to let you abandon me like what you have been doing since last year. Actually the journey didn’t end that early also, oh well, I mean I spent 6years plus in Fuhua. 1/3 of my life!

**

Results will be released on Friday, 7th March, 230pm.
The next few days gonna be torturous. I’m still not mentally prepared for the worst and that may be the main reason so as to why I’m breaking down every few moments or getting into a state of shock whenever people mention about the release of the results. This is getting freaky, getting really eeky. =/

You know, I’m still the same old me, the esther who will panick when exams are here, will worry about results when it’s announced to be released in a few days. I’m still the same old esther who will breakdown at the thought of the scary results. zzz

I felt as though I lost myself in the search of the my goals in life. I used to have goals in mind and what to do and etc. but all of a sudden, I cant seem to find all these ever since I got the news that it’s going to be out on Friday.

Like what gurumak had said, in life, things do not go on as planned and even if it’s planned, it may not turn out that way for this is life. . The nicest thing on earth that can happen is when nothing is expected and it happened. (not her exact words but somewhat similar)

Please do pray well that I will pass my As with good scores. Pray hard for me.

p/s. i will give it a thought. (:

Labels: fuhua, redcross, results, work

Oops I lied. =x
I lied about wanting to blog after I knock off from work on Monday night. =x

I had been busy with:

work! (yes, my tiger beer promoter job)
tutoring my kid
sourcing out first aid documents
doing up safety plan for NFC
watching gong zhu xiao mei
fsrcy training

meetups are all being held on hold since last week and okays, I hear people scolding me now. =x I’ll be able to meet up starting this coming Friday! (: so please stop cursing me. Haha. My work assignment is going to end this coming Sunday and I’ve have more time to meet up after that! yay. (:

**
Release of As
O level results are out. the release of the o level results would spell that doomsday is nearing. Damn, anyway, I plan to be late on the day which A level results will be released. It’s going to be damn scary if I have to sit there and listen to the principal’s preachings and that would make us all more nervous. I would rather be late than to have my heart jumping out of my mouth even before the results slip is in my hands. =s

-prays hard that I’ll do well-

**
A lesson to learn
Scoldings are things that we will have to encounter along life’s long journey. If we are scolded for a valid reason, it just tells that we will have to correct ourselves and not go on making the mistakes despite knowing it. Of course, if we are being misunderstood and being scolded, we will definitely feel that we are being wronged. Those scoldings will develop hatred in them, for they are being wronged.

Scoldings are the ones that trained one to be disciplined, to correct their own mistakes and not commit it again. they are the ones who hit you hard and make you swallow your pride and ego. On the other hand, they are also the ones who make people realise the truth behind everything.

Taking things for granted is one mistake that everyone of us do make, be it to the people around us or people who love us. I cant deny the fact that I do make this mistake. Sometimes, when we take things for granted, the next time when we yearn for this person to stay by us, it is already too late. This person is no longer there, no longer standing strong to be your support. You have hurt this person way too deep.

when you are the one taking things for granted, you do not know how much you hurt the other party. Only when you are being taken for granted, perhaps, you will then understand the feeling.

This is one thing that everyone of us definitely have to learn and walk through in life. If not, we will forever not grow up.
Face it, face the reality, know the truth, know your mistakes and correct them.

**
Significant meaning
Just like what tommy said, there’s always an end to everything. Though things may end it that way, it’s accompanied by good memories and those memories are the ones that will never be stolen away cos it belongs to me. It is not only of significant value and meaning for that very reason. It’s also because it’s where it all started.

**
Red Cross
a number of chances to take up appointments are given this year, having at least 2 on hand now, one for short term, the other for a year basis. Though I feel stressed having accepted these appointments, fearing that I will screw it up and do a lousy job, I’m quite thankful that I’m being nominated/ being approached for it. (:

**
More of my random thoughts:

blog hits reach 390+ and it’s only been 6days! It’s not even a week. haha thanks all for being so supportive of my blog.
I love online shopping! (since I don’t have much time to go shopping)
the Caltex manager is cute! =x
you are definitely being missed! all those songs heard, reminds me of you. (:

**
PHOTOS(:

the loudhailers :]

batchmates at awards & promos 07 (:

classmates(:

Alrights, enough of my randomness. =x
Off to source the map required for NFC.

i definitely need to have an early rest tonight.
I’m having a headache for sleeping at 4 last night. =/

Labels: photos, random, redcross, results

This is your long awaited entry aint it? Haha. There have been >100hits over the weekends! wow. (:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, SPECIAL FRIEND! lovesloves! :D

this entry gonna be random and boring.
Anything that comes to my mind will be blogged about.

**

Results will be out in less than a month or so. AHHHHHH!~

This year, O lvl results will be released on the last week of jan. unless ours is a popping-out-of-nowhere release date, we still have a month of so to enjoy ourselves before our doomsday is here.

People often say results aren’t everything but is that really true? Everywhere you go, people will ask for your qualifications. That cert, though worthless in monetary value, is priceless in the journey that you’ll be embarking.

Alright, enough about results. It’s just dampening the mood.

**

There’s VI meeting at campsite this Saturday afternoon. Transport fee is super expensive! ): have to leave the training halfway. Hope that they will be disciplined enough to train for the next few hours after we left.

**

I must admit that it feels weird talking to you just now.
You know the reason.
Anyway, take good care of yourself.

here's some photos to cure your monotony of my entry. (:

4cians on graduation day 05! (:

i miss wearing fuhua uniform with them. =s
Angqizhen! You have gone missing! Miss those peeps like denise, qiuyu ash, jinhua, yaxin, and etc. ):
p/s ash, check your email! (:

don’t you girls just miss wearing the bikila/ owens/ banni & rono tshirt?

Thanks to you that we clocked new timings for 2.4! not forgetting darryl too. (:

Our good ol buddy who’s now slogging his all in ns. ):

Alrights, gonna go prepare myself before going for dental and hitting town with nic! (:

Labels: photos, results

Prelims flunked

happy birthday in advance, mr chia!
you are still my idol teacher, as always.

this is going to be a not-so-happy=sad post so if you dont want to see such a post and affect your mood,please click the cross at the top right hand corner of your screen. thanks.

yes, indeed today was a terrible day.
i flunked all my subjects except history.

in case you may mistaken my meaning for the word "flunk", it means FAIL.
well some others may define flunk as their results dropped by 1 or 2 grades as from what i heard today but mine means fail.
i got S S S S for gp, maths, econs and geog respectively.
can you hear me cry from your room? if you cant, go dig your ears.

the same scenario for midyears happened again for prelims.
i was expecting myself to perform well for econs esp for the essay paper, but once again i was disappointed.
i failed the essay paper by 1/2mark. case study was badly done too.

geog results was just as disappointing.
i did quite well for my essays for both papers but i failed my drqs terribly.

econs and geog results were really disappointing.
upon getting both results, deep in my thoughts, i was thinking should i console myself for performing much better compared to midyears or should i scold myself for still failing the papers despite more hardwork being put in?
i was confused.
i really was.
there was this grey area that was unexplainable.

i held back all my tears.
i controlled my emotions cos i dont want to affect everyone with my mood.
i dont want them to worry about me.

i agree with what hweeying had mentioned before.
when people study, they dont say they do.
on my part, i think that if you dont wanna say, so be it.
but stop saying you never when you did!
it's so superficial.
& one more thing, please stop using me as a comparison if you dont want to hurt me more. thanks!

i swear i felt inferior.
i swear i felt guilty.
i swear i felt like ~~dying.~~

but i'm going to be fine.
i'll pick myself up.
give me the strength to carry on.

*wordpressed.

Labels: results

i give up.
my msn died again. =/
yes, AGAIN. maybe i'm just not fated to use it. ):

YESTERDAY's shopping trip was fruitful for me as usual. haha(:
i think out of all the stuff i bought, my fav would be my green heineken tee! :D
had prata with qx and gang; the casts.
;in

TODAY
my h1 results are back.
they are disastrous and i failed both if you were just waiting for me to blog it out.
like what hweeying had said, i was just ku zhong zou le.

i was really happy initially that my gp paper 1 did so much so much better than my usual and i think this should be my highest for paper 1 BUT paper 2 was TOTALLY disastrous. i flunked real badly.
for maths, i expected myself to fail since i sacrifice maths for econs essay so my econs essays results have better not disappoint me.

it's geog tmr and i'm afraid to go school. this fear in me is just unexplainable. =/
i really dread getting my h2 papers back.
trust me, i do.

though i maybe afraid, i will still go and till 12ndoct, i will attend school EVERY SINGLE SCHOOLDAY unless i am too sick to go.
reason being:

i would like to spend the rest of my school time with my DEAREST CLASSMATES. they are simply a special bunch of friends who you will share your joy and laughter, tears and sorrow with. be it the days we got bullied or laughed at, at least we did it all together. at the end of the day, we know that we are just adding more memories to our A1 life. let's put the past behind us and enjoy the last 11days of school together, HAPPILY! loves :]

i'm learning to be positive, to have more confidence in myself.
well, wouldnt it be ironic if others have confidence in you
& yet you doesnt have it in yourself?
haha. anyway, thankyou! :]

Labels: 06A01, results

results for some tests are out.
i flunked gp! *CRIES OUT LOUD*
ohno, this cant be happening to me! ): ): ):
passed my econs by just 1/2 mark. though it's 1/2 mark, didnt expect to pass too. was proud of myself cos i still sat for the paper despite feeling superly sick.
SEA hist SBQ test results kinda shocked me. didnt expect to score so well despite not finishing a source. (:

alrights, enough of results.
these few days i hadnt been emo-ing so ahsoon, stop saying i'm elmo's good friend alright? HAHA. went back fuhua ytd for speech day rehearsals. saw mr keuq & we talked abit here & there la. (anyway, just found out from him today that he is actually back to the status whereby i meet him for the first time.) [:
fuhua redcross, jiayou for speech day! (:

on a sidenote (1), i saw ZHEN in the camp & she claims that this is one highlight of the camp. -_-!! when are we meeting up, my dear 4cians? i miss you all.

on sidenote (2), i have better reduce my blog entries all on redcross. but sometimes i cant help it since redcross is also part of my life? haha. so please pardon me. (: i will definitely blog about non-redcross stuff too, i promise!

to YOU,
i wish to tell you this but i do not have the courage to.
i know that it will either bond us closer or affect our friendship.
of course i hope that it will bond us but if it drifts us apart, there's no choice too.
but i still wish to say it to you some day.
let me muster my courage.
give me time, & i will say it to you some day.

Labels: note, results