the jotter book of my life.

about this blog

eestherr.blogspot was opened to jot down the bits and pieces of my life, to accomodate my mindless musings and the daily notes which I wish to remember.

Add on to my memories, will you?

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Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed
Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon.

I'm rarely up so early in the morning. Not to online of course, but ya, here I am cos my partner overslept on me and there's no more exercise session today. But no worries, I'm not at the least angry/vexed and all. (: I think I have changed to be a better person in this aspect. I don't flare/be angry/vexed when people are late/overslept on me. That's a positive point! Still many things on my list for me to change! & of course, one issue is still hanging over my head. I wish to settle it in a good way, but I'm scared that things may turn out wrong. :/

Alrighties, gonna wash up before heading off to IMM to shop around before going for work later.

Labels: character

A beautiful rainbow to paint the grey away.

Just changed my blogskin and tidied the layout this morning. A fresh look to start jotting down the happenings in my life again. Makes this place looks more lively. I haven't got the time to do up the links section (maybe I should just link a few people. It can be quite a hassle to manage the links when people keep changing their urls :/) and the tagboard is always an issue. To put it up or not, whether I have the time to manage it or not, it's always an issue. Shall give myself a few days grace to think about it. Ain't any hurry.

One major happening in my life that took place last friday (also bettina's 21st!). I finally took off my metallic braces and I have straight teeth now! Hurrays! :D It's finally out of my mouth after 1 and a half years. Though wearing retainers suck & it's super troublesome that I have to take it out before every single meal, it beats having my old crooked teeth. It was simply atrocious last time. Shall take the issue of wearing retainers on a more positive note, it can help me to shed some fats since I will think thrice before snacking (taking out and wearing retainers is troublesome).

As mentioned in my previous entry, my fourth finger is injured and indeed, it turned out much worst today. I'm still typing with 9 fingers and that finger of mine is super swollen. It's making my left hand swell a little too. :/ And as a result, I went to pay the chinese sinseh a visit after work just now. Couldn't join Rechies in the end. Sorry guys! ): Anyways, hopefully the swelling will ease tomorrow. It's hard to do things properly and efficiently, with only 9 fingers active.

Shall end my relatively long entry and head to bed. A long but fulfilling day tomorrow. Heading to gram's place before starting work at 1pm. Hopefully the naughty kids don't drive me crazy. & Htht with sharon over dinner at Old Town White Coffee tmr. Definitely something worth looking forward to. (p/s. Hope that the other R house councillors enjoy themselves at East Coast Park tmr! On a random note, how I miss the last two times I went there. :/)

I guess it's just me. I shouldn't have done anything in the first place. I realised that I still feel for it very deeply even till now that I'm re-reading through the convo. I guess it just decoded the password for my bank of emotions. This isn't something that when good things happen in your life, it will balance up the happy vs sad mood balance. No matter how many good things are happening now, I guess unless it's fully resolved, it will always come back to haunt, and bring along many tears with it. I'm finding it hard to glue the broken pieces together. ): I guess it's just me. I don't know how to face this whole thing, balancing my emotions, crashed expectations and myself. ))):

~~I'm sorry for everything. It just lies in me.~~

Labels: fresh look, happenings, reflections, straight teeth(:

My handicapped finger :/

My fourth finger on my left hand is handicapped as I'm typing this entry.

Sister pulled and twisted it just now and it's feeling a little numb at times and painful at times. Now it feels painful when it's bent. ): Anyone know the reason behind it? Talk to me online if you know the cause/how to make it not painful and be back normal.

As I was scanning through my organiser, I realised that I haven't been having a full day of break, just lying on my bed, listening to music and slacking around for the ENTIRE JUNE AND TILL 19THJULY TODAY. It has been packed with red ink, activity after activity, work& tuition and all. With so many other things happening in my life which carries so much emotions with them, I realised that I'm actually not a superwoman. Another busy week ahead. Red ink filled throughout the entire row.

School is reopening, and I'm packed with activities to the max during my entire summer break.
I need a break, like seriously.

On a random note, I think I can predict what can happen really accurately. It's not "time will tell", it's "esther tells". Shall put on a mask for the next entry.

Put your heart in. You will see the light soon.

It's so out of line, to try to turn time back

~~Is life being controlled by a button which others can press on it anytime to control your life?~~
Is it that?
Why do I feel that mine is? Press the button, throw it to one side and move on to find other new lines to intersect?
~~):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):~~

\the chocolates left outside.

I so wanted to blog for the past week but has been really packed with emotions, tuition&work&meetups&nightsout for the entire week, the former being packed throughout the week (esp the first half) and the latter, throughout the week.

Many have talked to me but I decline to elaborate on my previous post. Thanks all for your concern, but I won't disclose any details about it except to my close friends cos maybe inside me, I still feel that things may perhaps turn out for the better. Somehow, deep in me, I'm still holding the tinge of hope close to me. Whether it does/does not, I'm giving all I can. I believe it's all up to the other party. That's esther I guess. No matter how hard she falls every time, she doesn't give up hope just then cos she believes in one thing, "you will when you believe".

Haven't got the time to blog about Arts Camp & I'm heading for precamp after work tonight to join the rest of the Rechnies & R house! In short, it was a blast. :D Shall blog about it when I'm back from oweek precamp.

Anyways, I have changed my hairstyle last Monday. I guess whenever I feel really down, I'll change a new look to perk myself up. And this time, it's no exception. To those who have seen my new hairstyle, congrats! To those who have not, wait till you see me! (: Or maybe, catch it on facebook.

Got to go pack my bag for precamp before I head off to work! Shall be back to blog about my life and everything else soon!

Labels: reflections

It's all down in the lost walk.

Just how far does it take to make it right? I'll go that far. But I guess, no matter how far I go, it's too late cos you have gone too far for me to even catch the shadow you left behind.

I have been trying, have always been. I want to make it good cos I think it's hard to find somebody to click well, to read your mind, listen to you tell long long stories, complain and grumble and pout, but it's lost.

One thing that is definite, it didn't cross my mind that the restart button has been pushed even before I predicted it to be. The teeny weeny memories just got pushed to one side cos of this restart button. Not that I didn't realise that things weren't normal. Just that, I guess as humans, we do need time to adjust to it together slowly. We should also make decisions as a whole, together, not as a single party, wielding the decisions as and when one feel that it's time to do so. It should be done together, cos it takes two to clap, to make things right. To at least get it right on the track, it should be done at a consensus level. It isn't fair to do it that way. But I guess I have no veto power?

I guess the 8hours of notetin making still didn't convey the message that I wanna put across. Needless to say, the chocs and video won't do the job, if the notes can't even do it. I remember it clearly that "I don't wanna _____ you" was stated very clearly. It's a statement deep down from me, but it may have been taken like any random usual line. There are many things deep down which I want to say & confess, (it's want, not wanted) but I guess it won't be heard too since the ear doesn't want to be here. It's not any emergency bell, it's like the bell tied on to the anklet. But now that it's said to be a job done, I know how much I'm worth and which schedule I fit into, covered it up and worth. "Until then, protect like no other", it doesn't seem to fit into this chapter of the story anymore.

Don't sing "the reason" cos that doesn't fit my rule of life. Sing "the climb" instead. It isn't about how fast things must be made changes to, it is about how you are going to change it. Take your time, cos better solutions and decisions are thought of when the two put their heads together to rack about it.

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

So what if I don't think it's the best turn out this way? I can't do anything for I'm not the one who decides on it. Now that so many things are just felt only on my side, I guess all these wouldn't be felt as much as I do too. The sorrows, the laughters, the sweets, I feel it, so strong in me. Perhaps it has been running in me, subconsciously.

So many things running through, really fast in my mind. If it's across, it's not that bad, cos I know it ran past but it's within, in my mind. Now, it's really hard.
One thing I didn't realise from the start was that it would hurt so badly.

"Don't say hurtful things to me, I'll run away."
Now I guess, we have switched roles and I'm the one who's running away.

Came across this in one of the documents in my lappie. Found it to be rather meaningful.

What do you take away from this?

There was once a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone except for her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend, "If only I could see the world, then I would marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.He asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"

The girl look at her boyfriend and realised that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She didn't expect it at all. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note which said, "Take good care of your eyes my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine."

Labels: reflections