the jotter book of my life.

about this blog

eestherr.blogspot was opened to jot down the bits and pieces of my life, to accomodate my mindless musings and the daily notes which I wish to remember.

Add on to my memories, will you?

tagboard

Your tagboard here, preferably a skinny one with a width of not more than 138px.

affiliates

friend friend friend friend

archives

credits

Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed
Do credit accordingly if you changed the icon.

BETRAYAL

i feel so BETRAYED.
i really am.

i never felt lyke this for a long tyme already.
once again, this feeling came back and i`m being betrayed.
this feeling aint good.
i know what type of person you are but i never know this will happen between us.
not you doing this to me.
i cant believe that all these could happen after being friends for a few years.
and also, it`s not only friend that simple.
we are good friends.
i at least still deserve a lil of respect?
i`m really disappointed by the fact that this could happen.
if i say i aint affected or disappointed by it, i must be lying.
my perception of you is changing.
or maybe i should say, it has changed bit by bit already.

things changed so drastically in a blink of an eye.
they are no longer the same.
you disappointed me once and again.
you are still my good friend.
but our bond will no longer be as secured and tight as it may be
cos the scar remains.

well, these few days of busy schedule had made me so sick. but luckily, it`s over nw and both the camp and the chalet ended w a HIGH note! (: didnt sacrifice either the camp or the chalet. turned up for both though it was a bit inconvenient for me to keep travelling to and fro from changi to jurong, and vice versa. it was well worth it of course. shall post the pix in my next entry so stay tune! (:

MONDAY
went to work and took half day leave. rushed down to fuhua for the camp committee meeting and did a lot of touchups. the mood of the day was made a lil better w the toiletries joke. hahhs. rushed down to marina square to have dinner w sharon and jer. me and darl* bought a top each! (:

FSRCY CAMP (:
DAY1 of camp (TUESDAY)
went to fuhua for camp. had fdc commander selection and all the finalists were good. a pity shiyuan didnt have the chance to take part in this selection as we gonna choose a commander by this wk.

both zhiqian and mardiana performed very well esp zhiqian. he shocked me w his super fast timing of completing the maze in the final round of selection. mardiana didnt disappoint me too as she didnt give up on herself halfway thru the selection. cheers to both of them! (:
my fdc07 commander is out. fdc07, JIAYOU! (:

DAY2 of camp (WEDNESDAY)
turned up for the RETRO campfire. it was our first campfire ever since the one we had w our alumni batch which is lyke 3years ago. the fire actually lit up and we were really happy about it!

thanks to all who attended the campfire, the cadets, sec4s, teachers, alumni (weiquin and yanping), badminton girls and scouts. special thanks to the sec3s and the teachers and also to yixuan for making all the preparations. campfire was fun but i wasnt really high cos it`s also the farewell party for my beloved sec4s. ):

sang the song i`ll remember you after the campfire. this song is really special as the lyrics said everything that i wanna tell all of you. my feelings were uncontrollable when i sang this song. as expected, i cried. but unexpectedly, they cried too. =/ i gonna miss all of you ):

DAY3 of camp (THURSDAY)
went back to camp to give a few firedrills. those w/o casualties` firedrills. hope that they learnt something from it that is to be responsible for your own self and also for your team members.

yea gave debrief and camp ended. sec3s, it was a good learning experience for you i hope. thanks for the efforts you all had put in and pls do rest well and take good care esp to those who had fallen sick.
3cheers for sec3s! HIP HIP HURRAY! x3 (:

06a01 CHALET (:
DAY1 of chalet (TUESDAY)
reached fuhua early in the morning. attended the camp until 4plus until daddy drove me to tampines. didnt meet up w them early in the morning cos hadda attend camp so missed out the cycling part.

well the blur me got down 7bus stops before the chalet and that made the poor guys cycled all the way there to look for me. but they were super bad also lars. they left me to take the bus w my stupidly heavy cd player to take the bus to the chalet -.-

hahah some lil unhappy misunderstandings happened but luckily, it was cleared. went to tampines mall to meet up w ahsoon and headed to century square for dinner.

went back to chalet after dinner and thanks to my class, my mood was good and high again though some things happened and it made me really unhappy. mood really affected by it =/ the 11 of us had lots of fun! the first night was the super fun night! we gathered in the guys rm w the 4 long beds and shared our ghost stories. stupid han and ahsoon wanted to scare us w their BOOS but too bad, it wasnt successful. hahah

played zhong ji mi ma+ truth or dare. it was super funny seeing those mad people doing the forfeits. those pole dances, strip tease, and blahhs. LOL we were just damn high lars. hahah
chatted w hui, sharon and nic before gng to sleep at about 4am plus.

DAY2 of chalet (WEDNESDAY)
woke up early. oh yea we were on our way to school to attend mr hendri`s hist lect. left the chalet at 9am but was still late for lect. reached there at about 1115 when the lect was supposed to be from 1030-1130?

oh luckily, mrhendri was not angry w us. but on the other hand, he was very understanding and glad that we still came all the way from changi to jurong for his lect. 'that`s my class who just came all the way from their chalet. see how committed they are'
see how understanding our civics tutor is! (:

we four girls went to buy more bbq stuff first before meeting up w the rest after their lunch. on our way to changi, poor eileen hadda suffer w my singing. i dont lyke singing too but i gonna practise hard for the sake of my beloved sec4s! thanks eileen! (:

upon reaching chalet, some went cycling while others prepared for the bbq. left the chalet at 5 to fuhua for our first campfire ever since the one we had w the alumni batch which is lyke 3years ago. thanks my class for being so understanding.

daddy drove me there and chionged cab back. ohman~ cabbing is making me broke. 25bucks from jurong to changi ): but nevermind, at least it was worth it cos i rushed back to chalet. ahah thanks girls for your consoles. i was still feeling emo after seeing the fact that it`s the farewell of my beloved sec4s. thanks to the guys for bbq-ing the food for me! (: thanks to mrkoh and mslim for attending our bbq too! (: alicia came to join us too!

played mahjong, the hunter-bear game, poker, fights and some chats here and there. i learnt to play mahjong AGAIN cos i forgot how to play after learning that the first tyme this year. =X and yahhs, i`m a slow learner lars.
hah the hunter-bear game was fun! can see who are those who are really good at lying. lols and some dumbo killed their own ally during the game -.-
had FIGHTS w jer. yea your eyes arent playing tricks on you. we had FIGHTS! and i won 2rounds out of 3! YAY! esther is stronger than jer :D actually i didnt really win lars. he carried and threw me lars so the real winner should be him but dont care, i shall self declare that i`m the winner! yay! :D we played and had fun until 3am plus. drank a lil =X

DAY3 of chalet (THURSDAY)
chalet`s last day! camp`s last day too! ):
was shifting all the furniture back to their original positions and blahhs.
thinking of having to bring that stupidly heavy cd player back makes me feel lyke fainting =X
but thanks jer for helping me to carry it! (:
had breakfast w the class and three days of the chalet ended just so fast.

on the way out from chalet!
at tampines mrt station. HEADING HOME!

3days 2nights had passed so fast. this chalet had been really great! though we didnt plan out the activities very thoroughly. but anyway, thanks to the class who had made the chalet a success, not forgetting the teachers who came (mr koh and ms audrey) and also, definitely, thanks to weijian! (: i miss the class ): i wanna meet up w them soon! 06a01 <3

the camp had been great too! esp the campfire! cheers to the sec3s! i gonna miss my beloved sec4s! ): sec4s <3

BACK FROM CAMP AND CHALET!

OH YAY! i`m back from both fsrcy camp and 06a01 chalet! but well, i came back feeling sick. went to workplace just now cos i didnt tell them beforehand that i cant work today cos i`m sick. but in the end, jaz and angeline told me to go home and rest so here i am. shall blog about the details about the camp and the chalet the next few days. i`m having a terrible headache, sore throat and stomachache ):

i sang this song to my beloved sec4s after the campfire on wednesday. hEYYA sec4s, you may or may not see this. but i just wanna tell you that i`ll always remember you. sorry for the tears that we shed and my lousy singing. i really love you!

i'll remember you

it has been so long
since we have talked
i hope that things are still the same
hoping they will never change
cos' what we had
can't be replaced
don't let our memories fade away
keep me in your heart for always
you made me believe
i can do almost anything
stood right by me
through the tears through everything
chorus:
i'll remember you
and baby that's forever true
you're the one that i'll always miss
never thought it would feel like this
i'll be there for you
no matter what you're going through
in my heart you'll always be
forever baby
i'll remember you
i promise you i won't forget
the times we shared
the tears we cried
you'll always be the sun in the sky
it may be fate that brings us back
to meet again someday
even though we go separate ways
you made me believe
that i can do almost anything
you stood right by me
through the tears through everything
*repeat chorus
if the day should come when you need someone
you know that i'll follow
i will be there
don't ever let there be a doubt in your mind
cos' i'll remember you
you
*repeat chorus
forever baby
i'll remember you

LOVES CONNIE AISYAH MINYEN JESSICA PEISHI JASMINE YIXUAN YONGSENG SHERYLN LYDIA FARHANA SHUJIAN JIAHUI!

TRUST?

sing? go? =/

hasnt been blogging for quite a few days. had been busy w work and redcross.
lucky jmin and suwen is back at work to accompany me. anitha had also been treating us quite well these days. not forgetting to slack at work w jazreel taking the lead. aha met up w kokseng for dinner at marina square on thur. caught up some of the old tymes. our redcross seniors were really great. they are still the best lars! dinner w qx and hongyi on fri at imm. fdc trng on saturday.

this upcoming wk gonna be super packed.
monday: work, redcross camp trial run, dinner w sharon
tue-thur: 06a01 chalet and fuhua redcross camp
fri: work
sat: fdc trng
sun: tentatively free

SEE the one in bold? my redcross camp clashed w something else again! my redcross camps had always have to clash w some other things. student leaders camp clashed w national camp, class chalet clashed w fuhua redcross camp, msia trip gonna clashed w camp unity. ohman~ all these clashes just hadda force me to sacrifice. i really dont lyke this clashes! ):

i had so much faith and trust in them. i gave them everything i have and i could but everything i did wasnt appreciated. try putting yourself in my shoes. you wont knw nor understand how i feel unless you put yourself in my shoes. i felt so disappointed. it left me thinking whether i shld really continue to put in that much effort. one of the worst things in life that could ever happen is your closest and dearest people dont have that trust in you even though you had it strongly in them.

sidenote: thanks nanny for listening me out just now. i really dont know who to say these kinda things to. it`s really difficult for me nw but i will move on. let`s hope that they will understand one day.

here`s my WORDPRESS. my new blog that will contain the entries i cant post here. i`m not forsaking my blogspot of course but this new blog will also contain my confessions and thus, most entries will be password protected so if you want them, get the password from me PERSONALLY. (provided that i will give)

how i wish i can turn around and walk away.
but i cant seem to do it cos i cant bear to.

was listening to my mp3 on my way home frm work. jmin and suwen had pw op today so i went to work alone. maybe whenever i`m alone, i tend to think a bit too much. cried on my way home. luckily nobody saw :x
i missed a lot of people. i thought of all the bad tymes i had this year. it had not been easy for me. family, friends, sch, redcross and many many more. it had really not been an easy route. i was just thinking about this sentence one of my friends had said. my friend mentioned that it`s such a stupid thing to make me cry. towards this casual remark, i hope that you all can get this thing that i`m gng to mention next inside you, my good friends.

when i cry because of you, that`s because i cherish you, my friend.
when i cry because of you, it shows that you are someone special, one of my beloved friends, the special ones.

-i hope that i aint an excuse. clique?

PART 2

here are the other photos we took that day during class outing, after work and tutoring at zhenhui`s hse (:

CLASS OUTING! <33

are they in this train? ahsoon meditating? hahhs

that`s my shoes. where`s sharons? o.O

tada!~ here they are. WAH! SO BIG can? =X

jer posing for the pic?

looks lyke they are all so EXCITED to eat cos they kept standing. LOL

jack`the pro cook

posing for the cam

who`s feeding jack?

zhiliang: wanna try my soup? hahah

han and ahsoon!

jer kicking the ball? LOL

mr soon kueh and ms PRO (:

han trying to imitate zhiliang`s pose. both looked so GAY. LOL

poor darryl being bullied

FIRST DAY AT WORK!

these 2 women can drive me crazy. HAH

TUTORING MATHS!

zhenhui`s hardworking (:

look, he drew this! :P

PART 1

MAIN PHOTOS! <3

<3 the 3 of us (:

<3 PW group! (:
the tymes we shared

<3 PW group (:

<3 CLASS OUTING:STEAMBOAT! (:
(nic haven come yet :x i`m the photographer)

<3 CLASS OUTING:BOWLING! (:
(ahsoon and jack photographers)

had two class outings on both wednesday and thursday respectively! YAY!

WEDNESDAY
had pw op and luckily the skit wasnt screwed up and people saw the fierce side of me acting in the skit. HAHA. the individual presentation wasnt screwed up BUT my Q&A session screwed :/ the examiner`s qn is really dumb can?
QN: who is the public?
what the hell. what kinda question is this? i nearly replied public is public lars. =X ahhh! arghs whatever lars. OP`s over.

was supposed to go fuhua for camp committee meeting but couldnt make it on tyme cos OP dragged for quite a long tyme. initially supposed to go for lunch w pw group but ended up, we waited for the rest too. darryl, han, jack and nic came along. went kfc for lunch and we had fun crapping a lot. mostly aiming at me -.- but nevermind, as long as they have fun and dont overdo (:

was crapping about during chalet go OCH and blahhs so since cant go OCH that day, we had an impromptu outing to tang dynasty! LOL the photos were as shown in the previous entry and we took 2 super long videos too. gonna send to han for him to upload to youtube. ahah had fun at tang dynasty lar. but just that the mosquitoes there are commandos! ohman! we got so many mosquito bites lars! the guys got v few only cos they wore long pants! hah

went on to taman jurong superbowl to bowl. sharon left first and missed out the fun. initially only the guys were playing but cos eileen was too tempted, i was being pulled along too. but was being made a laughing stock lars. looks lyke i gonna brush up my bowling skills. wanna thrash those dumb dumb guys. LOL

took train w han and nic. thanks nic for bringing me there and accompanying me for a while. sorry to trouble you though and to take up your tyme (: waited for qx for 1hr before his trng was over. nearly fell aslp at the bus stop =X passed him his beret and went for dinner.

HOME SWEET HOME

THURSDAY
handed in my stupid i&r in sch and off i went w sharon to jp to get my shoes! yay! one down my shopping list. bought my birkenstock (: and ohya. something happened. my stupid damn phone. arghs* chiong home to change and cab down to je to meet up w alan for pool. he`s a pro at pool lars. lost 4rounds :x

went to meet up w the rest for class outing. shall post all the photos in my next entry! well anyway, 11 of us went. namely sharon eileen darryl jack jer ahsoon han zhiliang freddy nic. not forgetting me of course. went for steamboat at marina zhenfa and thanks jer for helping me to cook for the whole dinner cos i didnt dare to go near the splattering oil. AHA so i became the photographer instead. went to bowl again after that. this tyme round only the guys bowled and they were damn funny lars! we took a lot of photos there. there were class photos and pw photos too! YAY! (:

han nic and freddy took the green line train w us and we really created A LOT OF ATMOSPHERE in the train. LOL played zhong ji mi ma and it was really funny! took the videos of the diff ppl doing forfeits but i think my stupid phone lost the forfeit that jack and darryl did =X

heard from some of them that they really enjoyed the class outings a lot. oh that`s a good thing to hear. oh did i mention that for the next tyme round, i will not lose hope in organising class outing cos these 2class outings had been quite successful. hope that they all enjoyed themselves and have fun. looking forward to the next outing w 06a01 :D

HAPPY BDAE JIAWEI! [: <33

FRIDAY
first day at work. went w jmin and suwen. the admin job is not easy afterall. i cant imagine next monday and tueday w/o the both of them around. mum wanna me go work :/ ahh! i gonna continue working and work hard to get my pay so that i can have more money to pay for my chalets and shopping list!! slpet in the bus on the way back and didnt realised that congsheng was sitting next to me until he msged me when i got down. LOL i`m so super blur lar. maybe too sleepy le ba. he got up and sat beside me, i didnt even notice. hahhs.

HAPPY BDAE YANPING LAOGONG! (: <33

SATURDAY
woke up quite late. went to zhenhui`s house to teach him maths. go to his blog to take a look about his entry. hahahh yay! (: went rummaging thru his stuff and kept hitting him. OOPS! i think i`m a lil violent =X anyway i gonna kill him if micky gets near me. in case you dont knw who micky is, it`s his dog! it just loves me so much that it kept wanting to come near me. hahah

didnt go to fuhua`s open hse cos it was raining heavily just now and we dont have umbrellas. scouts camp starting today. takkaires buddy! (:

HAPPY 11st! (:

OH YAY! let me post some pix that the class took while on their impromptu class outing to TANG DYNASTY!

9/15 IMPROMPTU CLASS OUTING [:

their back views (:

HAPPY BDAE MY DEAREST AHMA! yea it`s my ahma`s bdae and i LOVE HER! (:
went to sch for rehearsal. screwed up again.
my speed of presenting is seriously getting faster and faster.
slow down pls esther.
it`s less than the usual 4mins plus :/

went to buy lunch for my beloved ahma and went to meet qx.
he`s LATE lars. actually i also a bit late =X
nowadays i just cant get to places on tyme.
always making people waiting for me. sorry to all esp to sharon :x
i`m so blur lar.

upon reaching fuhua and having changed into full u then realised i forgot to bring my headgear, so ran back home to take again -.-
i`m super forgetful and blur lars!
did the FDC`07 selection and was quite satisfied w the people.
go go fuhua FDC`07! we gonna go all out! yay! (:
buddy went sch today for scouts! woohoo long tyme never see him!
anyway, you gonna be fine (:

after trng, it suddenly rained so heavily.
got drenched in the rain again cos dont wanna be late to meet them for pw mah.
sorry qx that i last minute never go dinner w you.will make up to you tmr (:
had been meeting up w pw group for 4 consecutive days.
just came back frm jer`s hse.
thanks sharon`s daddy for driving me back if not i gonna take an hr to reach home =X

hope that things will run on smoothly for us tmr.
no more screw-ups, no more laughters during the op.
JJ001 let`s do it! (:

AM I OVERLY SENSITIVE?
i hope that`s the case nw.
hasnt been thinking about it for the past few days cos i wanna stay focus on PW.
shldnt have went to read that just now.
ahh forget it. i shld just stay focus.
at least for another day :/

SICK AGAIN ):

didnt went out on friday cos was feeling terribly sick.
fever, vomiting, diarrhoea.
still woke up in the night to vomit.
arghs :/
this resulted in me last minute not gng to help out in the evac accred at crescent girls.
so sorry huda ma`am that i told you so last minute.
was feeling so sick and too weak to pull myself out of bed.
sorry qx that i wasnt meeting you up.

was lying in bed until around 12plus.
feeling much better but still sick.
pulled myself out of bed cos hadda go for pw.
it`s a must to go since we had already planned to have a meetup.
and since i`m the one initially who had said to put aside 4-8thnov for pw.
did a few props and blahhs.
then we werent productive for pw but for movie tyme.
hahh watched high sch musical.
that was a nice show! (:
took bus home w jer and we crapped a lot on the way.

was resting until gotta go out for family dinner.
oh was to celebrate ahma`s bdae or else i will not be gng.
passed to kaiming ziyi`s super belated prezzie.
sorry ziyi that it was so belated but i hope you will lyke it! (:

hey my friend! i know that these few wks gonna be tough for you cos you are quite affected by the matters of the heart. but please, you arent useless yea? you are just feeling low and i`m sure this difficult tyme will pass soon. continue using the smiles that i gave you. cheer up, my friend! (:

CHINESE As just ended lyke say half an hour before?
ohman. the hall is freakingly COLD and most people are freezing inside of course.
got a feeling that my compo will be out of point :/
well forget it, it`s over.
gonna STAY AT HOME cos i`m feeling sick again.
had diarrhoea and vomited twice this morning :/
think is cos i too nervous?
gonna miss the trip to bugis w sharon and eileen and the redcross trng at fuhua too ):
anyway hope that you will lyke it, sharon! (:

thanks to all for your well wishes!
i gonna go rest now.