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shine the limelight on me
estherTwentyone next March25. nus arts(: ♥ Lovelies&Besties ♥ Redcross ♥ Htht(s) ♥ Chocolates&Icecream ♥ Me-time ♥ Making people's day a better one /.A beautiful rainbow to paint the grey away. |
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eestherr.blogspot was opened to jot down the bits and pieces of my life, to accomodate my mindless musings and the daily notes which I wish to remember.Add on to my memories, will you? tagboard
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i had been drowned in my tears. today i finally understand something. one will not learn to appreciate what he/she has until when they lost it or on the verge of losing it. i nearly lost it all. that was what happened to me. i nearly lost them. promos results will be released by this wk. passed all my h1s namely gp, maths and chinese. this morning got back geog paper. from 830-145pm, my mood had been UNSTABLE. really unstable. i failed geog promos paper despite putting in double the efforts that i had put in for common test. for overall geog, i still failed. 44 or 45marks for overall. i was still strong when i saw the results. until the point of tyme when i handed back my papers, i cant control my feelings anymore and i brokedown. you may think that well it`s just a subject, what for i wanna cry over it until lyke it`s the end of the world? well, let me tell you why. firstly, it`s because i studied harder for this tyme geog paper and yet, i got back almost the same kind of results where i never study that hard during common test. secondly, i need to pass geog to promote. if i fail, that means i must pass either econs or hist to meet the conditionally promoted criteria. if I dont pass any of the h2s, I DONT EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO GO FOR RE-EXAM. I DONT EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO PROMOTE. see my point? i was looking lyke an idiot. crying so terribly. stayed back to have a talk w ms mandy. yea she was right. it`s not only a matter of hard work only. it also depends on a lot of other factors. went to hist lect about 35min late cos was trying to calm down in the toilet. thanks to a j2 girl who was consoling me in the toilet that made me calmed down. and sorry mr hendri for being late for the lect. went for break. blasted my ipod so loudly. that`s me when i feel sad. i`ll always blast the music into my ears. after civics, we were asking mrhendri about the hist results. at that point of tyme, the thought of having no h2s to promote made me cried again. i cant stop my tears from falling. received hugs from the girls. consoles from the guys and mrhendri. another hug frm ash too. eyes were so swollen. ): went for lunch. didnt eat a single thing since morning. sat there thinking while reading the letter that jeanette wrote for me. -All is not lost yet. Smile and cheer up like you always are.loves 06a01 i cried when i thought of that. all along for most of the tyme in the sch, i had been the happy go lucky me. the crazy me that will make a lot of noise in class. cried when i thought of my class. though for the past 7months we may not be as close as how i was to 4c, this class is a class that i will bond with, a class which I will get close to and stay with. FIRST:the happy moments where we went on our first class outing, pooled at je kpool followed by the dinner at pizza hut w mslim. SECOND:the second class outing which we ended up having dinner at plaza sing kfc. THIRD:the third class outing which i gave it a miss cos i needa visit my grandpa that tyme. FOURTH:the fourth one is the movie that we went to catch last Friday. FIFTH:the fifth one is the mid autumn fest celebration last Sunday. only a third of the class went for the fourth and fifth one respectively. but no matter what, i enjoyed the class outings with them. the tymes where me and sharon will try to snatch hyun bin from one another and share our hot gossips and darkest secrets w each other, where me and eileen will look for her handsome guy tgt, where jeanette will always call me asking me which classrm will our first class be at and msg me that she`ll either be late or had ponned sch, where ouxiang huihui cant stand me for being so high to do all those cheers, where soccer/pool fanatic hweeying will always share nice themes and Korean songs w me, where wanjun will tell me how good her sec sch maths teacher (fuhua HOD of maths`05) was. the tymes where jer would tell me how anti mud he is and how unwilling he is to go for blood donation, where I will kope a lot of songs frm nic`s hp and he will always nag at me for koping his songs , where freddy will always include me in most of the things and tease me, where han will always tell me how kampong jurong is, where darryl will tell me that it`s tyme to exercise, where ahsoon will always owe me the soonkueh he promised to buy during the pw meetups, where jack will tell me to relax myself before the start of the exams, where zhiliang will always tell me how much i buried my face in my arms. trying hard to stifle the sound of my sobs. but it just seemed uncontrollable. it gets louder and louder and i felt so helpless. the girls consoled me and to my dismay, the guys crowded around and gave me their consoles. at that moment,i had a feeling that i never had before. suddenly, i felt so loved by my class. i never had this feeling before. all of a sudden, the bonds between us had strengthened. all of a sudden, i feel that i cant lose them. all of a sudden, i feel that i love this class so much that i dont wanna leave them and I cant bear to leave them. i wanna be with them. i wanna stick with them for the whole of next yr. i wanna still continue to be the noisy loudhailer in class. i wanna still be with them, i really want to. i have learnt to cherish them more. i dont wanna lose this bunch of people. i dont wanna lose them. my dearest partner called me and i didnt ans her call. when i saw her, i tried to hide myself from her sight. i dont wanna see her nor talk to her cos i knw that i`m sure to cry even more. mslai told us to check our econs results during our break. that was my last hope. i will be out of the class once i failed econs. out of this junior college. this was the crucial part of my j1 life. was shivering. this was even more frightening that during the release of Os results. cos no matter what, i knw that i can still go poly if i cant make it for jc. but this was different. it`s either i make it or i cant. well, in the end i passed econs. passed overall econs and that accounts for the one h2 subj. i do not need to be out of the class immediately. i still can be with the class if i meet the promotion criteria or the conditionally promotion criteria in nov. but if criteria cant be met, i`ll be out in nov. or if i choose to give up to go to a poly, i`ll be out soon. at least now, i feel a lil relieved that i`m not leaving the class and i`m not a sure retain case. but for now, maybe i dont wanna think about this first. i just wanna let my feelings settle down. everything just took place too fast and it is too shocking for my heart to take. but whatever it is, thanks to all for your messages, your consoles and comfort and your listening ears. Thanks to my beloved friends. Thanks to o6ao1 definitely! And specially more to the girls. Thanks for the jokes and songs that you all had tried to cheer me up with. nearly lost it all. i hold it tight. i will not let it be on the verge of losing again. |