does anyone ever understand how i feel? i dun think they ever do.i'm living in fear fer most of mOi life.gt restrictions fer this & that.well,that's nt all.quarrels at home,lectures frm mum,redcross stuff,sch work,frenx & ... there's plenty of stuff waiting fer mI to do & worry.sumtimes frenx tell mI not to worry sooo much but how can i nt do so?kept telling myself to lac a bit.dun care sooo much.well,i dun tink i can.2dae's the first dae of 2005 & there cums all her lectures.last nite work until 1am plus den morning still needa wake up at 8 alreadi damn sianx liaox.moreover i'm still running a fever lorx.she dun seem to even care abt it.why mux she alwaes drag everything down when she scolds mI?she scolded mI fer msging too much when the msg limit fer this month hadnt even exceeded 200msg.is that realli too much?can she be more reasonable?& also,as fer net surfing,i dun think i spent too much time cos the maxi times i went online last wk was onli 3times & each time nt more den an hour.is that realli too much?i dun get it.she scolded mI fer going to sch sooo many times a wk jux becos of rC.there's realli jux too many things abt rC tt we needa do esp at the end of year wat.the 30wk planning,sec1 orientation parade trainings,banner+noticeboard+flyers+posters & also our dance.haix.talking abt rC,i realli dunno wads happening.both banner & noticeboard still nt ok yet.as fer the orientation parade trainings,there's a lot to be improved on.footdrill trainings were still nt enuff fer them.dunno wads wrg wib mI ytd morning.it's attendance-taking onli & i had been scolding them like siaox.i dun even believe mYself getting sooo worked up.nearly cried out.maybe haiza ma is rite ba.we are sorta too close wib some of our to be sec3s.cos it's like the i/c is taking attendance & everybody shouldnt even move about or talk in the squad.scolded the squad 3times & some of the to be sec3s are still chit chatting away while the rest of the squad was quite disciplined.where's our disciplined squad?haix.maybe should give them some more time to change ba.i realli hope that everyone will change.including mI of cos.hope that they can differentiate between when to be serious & when not to.our dance competition audition is only exactly a wk later & till nw,we still haben finish thinking the whole set of dance steps yet.why like tt?maybe it's mOi fault ba.i dun even help them out in the thinking dex.haix.the dance costumes still haben decide yet.wad shld i do?ytd,dior frm hq still called mI up to confirm the audition time & etc.feeling sooo stressed up sia.wad an useless leader i am.aniwae,maybe ppl do change.maybe i am sensitive.last year de dance was not as interesting as this years' but fer last year,everybody was very enthu participating in the dance practices.but fer this time,it was nt the same.they were no longer as committed as before.take 29thdeC fer example.haiza ma didnt turn up cos her granny still in hospital.dance practice was supposed to start at 8.30 & yet some ppl were late while others dun wanna turn up.it was supposed to end at 11-12plus & i was the onli one left at that time.we were supposed to practise on our dance steps & try to perfect them wib our timings even when 1verse had nt been done yet.but after practising fer a while,some went to settle their personal outings & stuff.i'm nt saying it's wrong & they cant do it.but they should have tried to plan it later instead of during the practice?haiza was quite angry when she heard abt it.haix.we cant call up dior & tell her tt we back up nw rite?haix.wad shld i do?feeling confused & troubled.nw finding ppl to donate their stuff & money fer the tsunami diaster.hope tt u guyx can give a helping hand to those in need of help now.-useless mI